The 4th of July always meant a family gathering for our family. Most times I end up enjoying myself because I get to see how disfunctional the rest of the family is, and can watch others perpetuate their long-held grudges. I can remain on sidelines and make snide remarks, and be the 'funny' one. I've no grudges against anyone, and nobody has anything against me. Hell, I see these people 4 times a year, off course we don't have to hate each other. We barely know enough to remain relatives.
Just saw Public Enemy in the theater and I have to say, it was generally awful. Johny Depp is a great actor but it doesn't show throughout most of the movie. In fact, you can say say the same thing about most actors in this bore-fest. They tend to go through the movie without really showing any emotion or revealing themselves too much to the viewers. What do we know about Johnny's character? Nothing. Why should we care then? Everyone comes off very blank and unfinished. When they all die, I find myself not caring much. Depp's only redeeming scene comes when he visits the police station, he plays that just perfect, but it comes way too late. Even his impromptu interview in the cop room feels forced and unnatural. I find myself curious what it takes to make an actor like Depp appear unnatural on film.
Two ideas for today:
Clearly, today's entry is not going to happen. I was feeling up and now I'm not. These things have a way of happening that I don't know about.
Tomorrow, I will not goto work and will have all kinds of time to putz around on the porch and feel writerly. Tommorrow, it is then.
I had a great entry all planned in my head that would tie in Unbearable Lightness of Being with Elizabeth Wurtzel's cat. I'm sure you all can't wait...
Seems like I have my old job in the basement available. Its kind of hard to turn down because its the only offer on the table. Also, they have too much money and not enough work. They're getting 8 people on this till Nov, for 2 deliveries. The work can easily be done by 3 people working part-time. Ack, gov't work is sometimes a charm.
Being an adult means integrating 2 contradictory things at once: the knowledge that everyone's as miserable as you, possibly more, wanting to stay in bed for days on end, and acknowledging that there are certain things which you must simply do and that can not be avoided.
I'm now a fully trained dog handler at the local city shelter. About 7 hours over 3 weeks. Today was the culmination. I passed! I mean, everyone passes, but its an accomplishment nonetheless. I'm now qualified to take dogs out of their kennels, walk them and put them back in the kennels.
Still bouncing around that idea in my head; that I had a sister. My biggest fear for the longest time: being alone. It is not anymore because I've realized most people are horribly alone all their lives and all die alone. So its just something to deal with, embrace even. Its like being afraid of oxygen; oxygaphobia. I just made that up. Cursory glance over at google confirms that such a phobia does not exist. Because it is unavoidable.
Recently my mom told me she had an abortion when I was about 1.5. I always suspected I had a sibling because she'd always drop hints about it. Its not something you can just ask about so I didn't, figuring she'd tell me when she wanted. She was upset that I was such a screwup and told me that its her fault; if she kept the pregnancy I'd have turned out better.
Just as a note, I see no way of implementing this in C's macro system; unf you'll have to root... read more
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