Family gatherings
The 4th of July always meant a family gathering for our family. Most times I end up enjoying myself because I get to see how disfunctional the rest of the family is, and can watch others perpetuate their long-held grudges. I can remain on sidelines and make snide remarks, and be the 'funny' one. I've no grudges against anyone, and nobody has anything against me. Hell, I see these people 4 times a year, off course we don't have to hate each other. We barely know enough to remain relatives.
So this time, we had the traditional family dinner moved to a restaurant. It made a *huge* difference for me. Just the most awful time ever. Can't really explain it; I've been there before and like the food. Maybe I was just having a bad day.
It didn't help that my cousins were there. These are 2 of the nicest, most well-adjusted, family-oriented kids you'll ever meet. I feel guilty even being in same room with them. How they grew up like that is a mystery. Good genes, I guess. I feel guilty being around them cause in any comparisons, I come out like shite.
Long story short, I'm now reconsidering the whole family celebrations events in the future. Usually I'll spend half the time locked in a bathroom pacing back and forth but the bathrooms were full and my other coping mechanism - drinking, was likewise denied cause I was on DD-duty. Couldn't even find anything sharp to cut with, as an immediate stress-relieving measure.
I know I must look awkward and I can't look anyone in the eyes for some reason, which just makes me look even more awkward - a vicious cycle. So I just find a point a couple of feet directly in front of me and stare at it. Couldn't do that cause I was sitting across from my cousin, whom I could not look at for some reason. Can't talk to these people; the awkwardness. Luckily they didn't try to talk to me. When leaving, I managed to only say good-byes to 2 people, which was almost more than I could bear.
This was one seriously screwed up day. What the hell is wrong with me?
Neighborhood
Explore friends, family, friends & family, or entire neighborhood.
